You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
