Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
