remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
