This girl is more easily done than said...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
