Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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