Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
