I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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