Hey man sorry I got all grabby
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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