You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
