No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
