I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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