i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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