i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
