I don't usually arrange sex via text message
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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