I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
