Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
