Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
