I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
