So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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