I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
