I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
