My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize