My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
