thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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