Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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