Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
