We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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