You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Randomize