you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
