I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
