now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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