I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
