I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
