He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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