your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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