Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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