already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
