why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize