Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
