i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
