i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
