some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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