Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
