are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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