Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
