so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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