You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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