yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
