So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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