I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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