I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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