Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
