we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
