Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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