I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
