I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
