it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Holy sore nipples Batman
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
