Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
