im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
