you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
