The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
