i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize