I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
