dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
