I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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