you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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