Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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