nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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