who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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