Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
