There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
