A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
