She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
