I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
