Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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