He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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