you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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