she smelled like a LAN party
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
