cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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