i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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