May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
