just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
