in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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